im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
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