Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
