his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
