we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I love having hate sex.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
