It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
