If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
