Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
