This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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