Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
