Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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