why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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