Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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