hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
