my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
