what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
