I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
