So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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