Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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