Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize