you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
