Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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