Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
