Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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