we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
