How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
