Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Alive.
So much puke
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
