My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
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