I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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