Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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