She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
