i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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