p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
