then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
