Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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