I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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