I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
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I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
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I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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