Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize