are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
