My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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