Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
