i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
you inspire me to be a worse person
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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