He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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