i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
