I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
