I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
