Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
