Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
