I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
