Only a mothe r could love this liver
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
