I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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