you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize