Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
