Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
