he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
