your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I want to be your penis for a week.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
