You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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