just come out here and I will go home with you...
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
