Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
