so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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