i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
