Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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