get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
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If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
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okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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