I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
