I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
