Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
