Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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