just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
