I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
