I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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