when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
