you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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