I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
