last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
