The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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