Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
